


Laer Cú Beleg

by RomanticNoldo



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, Guilt, Mentions of Suicide, Mild Blood, POV First Person, POV Third Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:20:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27153058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RomanticNoldo/pseuds/RomanticNoldo
Summary: Three-part fanfiction about Beleg's death.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. Prologue

There he is.

Túrin is there, he is alive, he is back. He would just have to touch him to wake him up, to tell him that he must no longer fear, that he is now safe. He has spent days dreaming of finding nothing but his corpse and waking up shaking, wondering how he can face eternity without him, how he can endure his loss until the end of time, and knowing that everything they share would not matter anymore.

This is only temporary relief. He will really lose him sooner or later. He is a man and as such one day he will have to fade.

But not now. Now they can still get back together. Soon Túrin will understand that his nightmare is over. They will go to a safe place where he can heal, and everything will be as it was before they separated.

He just has to talk to him ...

...

His captors are back. He feels it - he no longer even hopes it will happen otherwise, and as much as he wants to he cannot repress the cold sting that passes through him.

He already knows what they will do to him. They will torture him again, until he is no longer even able to remember what exists outside of pain. They will kill him, and every moment he fought for his life will mean nothing - and if he has to die alone in the dark, without even the comfort of one last battle, what would have meant to live?

He cannot allow it. He won't let himself be bended again. For the blood of his father, who fought to the end, and for the love of his mother, who never wanted anything other than his salvation, he will not remain to wait for them to finish him.

The reflection of black steel opens a glimpse of light.

Maybe it's just a mirage, an illusion of his dying mind, but he wants to believe that blade is his. He won't let them kill him with his own sword. He still has a chance to save himself. Anglachel will be in his hands again, and he will be free.

He just has to kill his opponent ...

...

Beleg falters, overwhelmed by a blow of which he still doesn't know the reason - and he will never know. He feels the taste of blood and betrayal between his lips, the chill of death and regret in his chest.

He wishes he could still guide him. His task is not finished yet. He has to take him away from there, erase the horror from his eyes, and watch him start living again. The time is not yet over when they can be together, and be happy. He wishes he could stay by his side.

But he can't stop. As much as he tries to fight death, to rip another breath out from the dark, every moment that passes separates him from life - and from him.

His thoughts fade into the dark, faster and faster. He can't even beg Mandos to let him stay, just a moment longer. In his mind there is only one name that his body can no longer pronounce.

_Túrin..._

...

The blood dripping from Anglachel's blade has a reassuring warmth.

Finally, Túrin feels he can breathe again. He is still alive, and he has his sword again. Strenght comes back flowing in him at that awareness.

Now he no longer has to fear anything. They tormented him when he was alone and too weak to defend himself, but now they will tremble before his fury. They will pay for what they have done. They will all pay.

He can fight, and flee. He will find Beleg again, and everything that has happened will vanish as a mere nightmare. Everything will be as before - and as long as he is around him, being a homeless outlaw won't matter to him anymore.

But the blood that stains him is not sticky like the orcs'. His heart feels that something has happened that shouldn't have. He has no reason to think so. He tries to ignore the feeling, but it remains, more and more fiery.

Then the darkness leaves his eyes and his mind.

And he sees what he's done.

...

Beleg surrenders.

It is too late to fight now. He will never go home. He will never find Túrin again, not really. It's all over - too soon, and he knows this wasn't where he was supposed to die. This was to be the time of their rebirth. Awaiting them was the joy of being together again, the peace, the knowledge that they would never be apart anymore, not... this.

But he can't hold out any longer. He has to go. He must leave Túrin there alone and know that they will never have a chance to reunite.

He wishes he could ask why this was their fate, but he can no longer breathe. All he has left is time to steal with fading eyes one last sight of his killer - his friend.

A bitter smile, a lonely tear. After all, he couldn't have asked for a better death.

...

Again, he ruined everything. He destroyed what he loved with his own hands.

Túrin wants to believe that his eyes are deceiving him. But his mind is still clear enough for him to understand reality. He will never return to Beleg, he will never find peace - and the fault is his alone.

He should have stopped. He should have recognized it. If he did, for the first time in too long he would feel truly complete. Instead, he plunged into an abyss of endless darkness, and it is too late to fix everything. Until the end, he will have to carry his own guilt. He can't go back, not after what he did.

The blood on him flooded his own soul, torn by Beleg's lifeless eyes. And despite everything, he remains alive.

He wishes he had at least the time to tell him he never wanted any of this.

But it doesn't matter. There is nothing he can do to obtain his forgiveness. If only he could hold Beleg's last breath, and tell him he will avenge him, sooner or later ...

_Wait..._


	2. Chapter 1 - Beleg

There has to be an explanation.

While I still try to talk to you, while I try not to give in, I can see your eyes. It is enough for me to understand the truth.

And I realize I have failed again.

I came to save you, and instead I did nothing but cause you more pain. I came to see you again, and you couldn't see me. I had come to help you overcome the sorrows that evil would put in your way, and instead I will die here, without being able to do anything else.

I don't know whether to curse fate for stopping me or thank it for granting me such an end. There is also something sweet in seeing my blood on the sword that I have come to recognize and love, as long as it was held in your fist. At least you're the only one I could accept death from.

Do you remember, Túrin? Do you remember when, while before my eyes in a few years you became a man, strong and already fragile and fleeting, I promised to remain by your side for eternity?

I would have kept my promise if I had had the chance. I will leave with this regret.

But what will you feel?

I have already learned of the frailty of the Edain in the face of death. I don't want to risk you being broken because of me.

Will you go on? Will you still smile? Or will you keep living with useless remorse?

The only thing I want from you is that this is not your only memory of me, that all the moments we lived together, all the smiles we exchanged, all the moments we spent side by side remain.

Will you remember us?

I would try to ask you, if I had any strength left.

I want to die looking at you, my friend. I just want to see the person I love the most again.

But even this last comfort begins to fade. I will see you again, and I will not be able to stop the fate you will face.

I won't be there for you anymore. I'm sorry...


	3. Chapter 2 - Túrin

Your eyes...

I keep seeing them in my mind. Your last glance haunts me, it seems to ask me the reason for that deed.

I do not know. I would never have attacked you, if only I had known. But this is not enough to absolve me. It won't be enough to make you reopen your eyes.

What have I done?

I have already stained myself with innocent blood, but I never believed that you too would fall by my hand. Yet the darkness that surrounds us has fallen into my heart and mind once again - and it will never set me free.

There were lives I wanted to end. But not yours. I wanted to protect it, it was dearer to me than anything else. I have failed in the worst way. I will never be able tell you.

If only I had stopped. If I had been able to see the truth. You would still be alive by my side, and now we would be walking side by side, talking about those happy days now lost forever.

The old happiness cannot return now that you are gone. It shouldn't have ended like this. I had to be the one to fall, and you the one to go on until the end of the world.

I will always curse the dark, because darkness has been the tool that destiny has chosen to remind me that I cannot defeat it. Without the dark, I would never have hurt you. Rather, I would have clung to you with all the strength I had and saved myself from the tides of fate.

How did you feel when I killed you?

What did you think?

Cursed be the blade of Anglachel, now that it is stained with your blood, and cursed be the hands that wielded it against the most loyal of the children of Ilúvatar!

Now I am nothing but a murderer, born of an ill fate!

But I can't die now. It would be too easy to free myself now, without having paid the price of my madness but for a few moments. I have togo on, and let the emptiness devour me and in every moment remind me what I did to you.

But you... rest easy and forgive me, Beleg Cúthalion, mellon nîn.


End file.
